After Crisis

by 404

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1.
Goddess of the Sun 06:42
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Her force is coming out as she floats into the sky And I'm buried in the shadow that is cast within her light I've been secluded and pent up and dreading the thought that I know you hate me so Though I'd not wish for more than to prop you up, I'm still afraid to go And she's the one in the highest tower who watches over the land With her all-seeing eye like through the barrel of a gun And I want to be with the goddess of the sun And I've whispered, and she heard The words I did not want her to hear I've failed to make amends to be accepted for who I am Or to make you notice I'm heated and ready to take you by the hand You would never know or comprehend the loneliness of night How I wish you'd stop to tell me that it's going to be alright When you cast me out of the story, I said I wished that I'd have died If I knew you would believe me, then you know I would've lied And I want to be with the goddess of the sun I want to be with the goddess of the sun Can't you see I'm not who I was, 'cause I'm used to our compromise I'm reminded of all of the time that I spent with telling myself those lies But the times have changed from then to now, and you have lost belief In trying to make me see it your way, in trying to make me leave You get the adoration and the respect that you deserve But I've been cast aside and trampled to make way for what you've earned I just don't want to fight anymore She steps out onto that pedestal high above her subjects And I recede behind her to be forgotten in the sunset They often hear my name and fear that I am strong I don't think they'd ever know that I have not moved on But I know that it's wrong How I want to belong I don't know when I don't know why won't you love me? Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me? You'll never love me I want to see myself come out from the dark I want to be with the goddess of the sun
2.
Sleeper Hit 03:33
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If it's some kind of message that you want to hear About the shift that you can make to pull yourself out of this mess You'll dig up tons and tons of songs and quotes to feel like you're empowered Though all the words will ring up empty, it just helps to hear them said But we both know that on inspection this cannot be your best life There's got to be a future somewhere, even if it's far away And when you've breached the surface after spending years in the depths Will you be able to look back and say it was a worthy price to pay? If you never really know what's coming to you next If you never really get to see what it is that lies ahead If you never really get to be secure for the rest of time Then I can't promise you it's certain, but it might be worth the grind If you pull yourself away from the pain that greets you now If you pull yourself away from this, it can be figured out If you find the strength within you to get up and be okay But who knows whatever's possible, I know that I can't say Even if you try, you're bound to relapse now and then And you'll think it's all over and that you're back to square one You might start clawing at the past to reclaim what you once had But it should say that it's not hopeless if you can look at what you'd done You should be able to reflect and know that every peak is proof That although hard times fall upon you, there is a light that finds its way And light shines brighter sometimes than it ever can at others But you can learn to find the balance that lies within the grey If you never really know what's coming to you next If you never really get to see what it is that lies ahead If you never really get to be secure for the rest of time Then I can't promise you it's certain, but it might be worth the grind If you pull yourself away from the pain that greets you now If you pull yourself away from this, it can be figured out If you find the strength within you to get up and be okay You're fucking worth it, we all are, and you can work to see the way And you'll be on your own And it'll feel like nothing's worth it, but I'm telling you, you've gotta know That all the force that pushes on you can be lessened if you work it out You've gotta push yourself to be the best, and I know that you can do it now I know it feels like it's impossible, and you tell yourself that nothing works But when all is said and done, you're gonna know what's in your soul to search And if it takes all your time, if it takes all your time away It will be worth it in the end when you can grow to see a brighter day
3.
The Finale 03:54
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It feels deceitful when I ask you for help I've been sustaining on illusion and disgust at myself If I can carry on now, within this hole that I sleep in You know I'm walking in circles, without the hope to believe in And I've got nothing else to talk about now I wish that I could say that you would figure this out But if you've got some ideas then you've been smarter than me 'Cause I'm not seeing any meaning or any chance to be free So I beg for your forgiveness if I've been letting you down Just understand that nothing I can do will turn this around I want to prove that I'm true, I want to prove what I'm worth But I've spent so much time just searching and just digging the dirt It hurts regretting what I wished I had said I have played the scenes over and over in my head But it's a trick I play on myself as if I can go back I know it's nothing but it still feels sad Everything that I do just turns to nothing And now I'm thinking that that nothing might just turn into something Once I've made my way back to all that I used to love After it's over, after it's over So I beg for your forgiveness if I've been letting you down Just understand that nothing I can do will turn this around I want to prove that I'm true, I want to prove what I'm worth But I've spent so much time just searching and just digging the dirt And you might not believe me now But I really do mean it I love you I love you all
4.
After Crisis 05:45
lyrics
Torn hand grips the sullen dirty mass Pulling tighter as if this were all her muscles were built to do She curls her body inward to suggest a kind of helplessness A voiceless call to anyone who would come to pull her through She takes a look behind her to assess the situation There's no one around, she relaxes for a moment to catch her breath and think In the aftermath of the horror, she is reduced to a basic system She conjures a bit of her energy to release, and she sings "Hope how I'd love to feel you now Hope how I'd love to feel you now" Hours later, she is within a curtain of ash In a last attempt to reclaim herself, she thrashes and yelps to cleanse The sky is red and all around the scene there are bodies that look familiar Hollowed fragments of a past that she has tried so hard to forget Upon the sight of her current existence, she screams into the night "I'm fucking scared! I'm so fucking scared! I just want to remember the little things! I'm fucking scared! I'm going to die out here! I'm gonna die alone out here! Oh god, I'm gonna die all alone out here and nobody wants to help!" "Hope how I'd love to feel you now Hope how I'd love to feel you now" After crisis you do not return to who you were You choose to remain or change for the worse After crisis you do not return to who you were You choose to remain or change for the worse After crisis you do not return to who you were You choose to remain or change for the worse
5.
Our Friend Departs 02:49
lyrics
As we watched, the planet did split And he turned his back on us, said no goodbyes We watched him walk into the sunrise And this is not the end that we wanted Though we could see this coming a mile away It still pains me to this day And we would never be like that We hold together and break our bonds for no one No matter how hard it is to see ourselves Collapsing in and breaking apart To know that this is happening Could not break our spirits at all Though we know what must become of us It was the choice that he made He said it would make him happy this way But I can't seem to forgive him No matter how much I may know that he's right And I follow through if only to know If this is the road I'd be better to go But I pull myself back, it's better to suffer here Than to learn that we might've been wrong Things ain't been so hot around here In the absence of our friend I would like to say that we've all forgiven him Though I know only some of us did I had a dream that we were making up And we were all together again And he told us the cause of his anger And all the things that we did not give That all he really wanted was someone to talk to Someone to rely on Someone to confide in when the times got hard We weren't there, he said And someone to convince him that things would be okay Even though we all knew what was coming to us in the end And someone to play pretend with and act like life was good Someone who would know and who would act Like he was ever really there at all And I woke up in anguish Because the truth is That he's never going to get it
6.
Diverted 04:16
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In the waste of days, in the stretch that time breaks Let me go down to the place that it started, and I'll find it It occupied me for all that time, but it's gone now I'm not sure if I'll be the same that I once was But we all change For worse or for better And we must be ready For whatever that means I want to find meaning To change my way of thinking Diverted, pushed backwards I've searched for all those hours I want to find meaning To change my way of thinking Diverted, pushed backwards I've searched for all those hours But I've lost time And I must not give in to hope, it's a belief that lies Burrows in deep to the core and stays until it's cast aside By one event to change them all, and it breaks me If I take any more hits I'm sure it's gonna change me But we all change For worse or for better And we must be ready For whatever that means I want to find meaning To change my way of thinking Diverted, pushed backwards I've searched for all those hours I want to find meaning To change my way of thinking Diverted, pushed backwards I've searched for all those hours But I've lost time
7.
Magick Trick 03:54
lyrics
Desperate times call for desperate measures I'm simply unable to keep myself together And I want to remember what it was That I did to make some shit up To get you to think that I am what I'm not I think it was magic, I think it was rotten I think I can rebuild myself if I can lose you now But I'm gonna have to learn to love myself and I don't fucking know how So I cast an ancient spell To reach a higher self I try to no avail I try, I always fail Yeah, it's a feeling that I get and I feel it deep within And it rises from the bottom to the surface of my skin And I arise out of the flames, a phoenix new and unrestrained If that ain't magic then I don't know what is But it's not something easy to explain The more that you attack me, the more I lose my aim And the more I lose my aim, the more hits that you can take And you take, and you take, and you take, and you take Aw fuck! So I cast an ancient spell I'm fucking tired of this shit, man, I swear to god To reach a higher self God damn it! I try to no avail I try, I always fail Did I ask for your opinion? No I didn't, shut the fuck up Yes I know it's lame, I'm not ok, I'm tired of the fighting I am sick of all this fucking shit I think I'm gonna leave Yes I know that you want that and I'm willing to oblige I know you hate me and you hate everyone like me and that's fine I'll just disappear, I think you're better off without me anyway And bigot motherfuckers like you make me sick To my stomach, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you Like I hate myself right now and everything I've ever done Cause I shoot myself in the foot Time after time after time
8.
The Way Forward 03:41
lyrics
You say love is fake and unreal But I've seen it manifest before my eyes Just taken one step at a time It heals and heals until is real And I know that it's hard to see I lose faith sometimes too, but If you look toward the sun You'll see she's coming up, she's coming up Break of dawn it finds its way in And the onus is on you To pave the way forward Something better's coming again And if you can just grab it You know you might find you own it Listen in, I want you to notice That I'm coming back Only one day at a time, and If you ever see me around I will wait for you here And we can find peace of mind Together What I want more than anything in the world Is to stumble upon myself And discover that I'm more than what I am But I can't do that kind of thing alone With you, I see that too That desire to pull yourself through But it's hard and I've been there too If we share this maybe we'll find the sun together Break of dawn it finds its way in And the onus is on you To pave the way forward Something better's coming again And if you can just grab it You know you might find you own it Listen in, I want you to notice That I'm coming back Only one day at a time, and If you ever see me around I will wait for you here And we will find peace of mind Together, together
9.
I'll Be Forgiven 04:59
lyrics
Some of us are born with the power to get along scot-free So sell it, can you please sell that to me I've been waiting for an answer now for 24 hours and counting And I don't think that it's over, no I don't think that it's over now Gotta find a way to get along But it's hidden behind a paywall And the price is far too high It's a bust It always comes back to the place we left off When you never really did forget But I'll be forgiven I'll be forgiven, I'll be forgiven, I'll be forgiven 'Cause even when the problem's gone too far and we're split Then I'll find myself alone And I'll be forgiven I'll be forgiven, I'll be forgiven, I'll be forgiven But I'm not sure Is it a bit unwise to say that I wish I never knew you now? Think of all the ways that both of us would be better off without Well, I'm tested at my limit, I just want to be forgiven I just want to live a fucking quiet life, but no matter what I do All my dreams are fucking tied to you And every fucking thing I do I just want to get away But I can't It always comes back to the place we left off When you never really did forget But I'll be forgiven I'll be forgiven, I'll be forgiven, I'll be forgiven 'Cause even when the problem's gone too far and we're split Then I'll find myself alone And I'll be forgiven I'll be forgiven, I'll be forgiven, I'll be forgiven But I'm not sure, I'm not sure Owning up to what I'd done Is harder than I could've ever thought It breaks me down, but then it builds me up And it was only all to take my faith in love And it would smash it in, and it would laugh at it And I would cry and scream, but I would not forget Because I knew that then I can't be safe again And I can never leave, and I can never win You don't know that what you want from me Is something I can't give and I can never be And although I can try, It only hurts to know That if I tell you now, you'll never let me go The worst part is that you will never get That what I really mean is that I want to quit That what I really want is to be left alone And what that really means is that I want you gone I cannot ever admit to that And for that reason I will never stop the act And I will never change and you will never know And I will always be in the same fucking hole And when they find me, I'm sure I'll be dead And you'll be well-adjusted, you'll be well-read And you will hate me if you have not forgotten So forget me now, and that's my final offer Bring the fucking song back in I apologize for my rant, I'm sorry for what I said I'm sorry for never telling you, I am sorry for what I did And that's all I have to say, if that isn't enough, okay I have nothing else to offer you so please just go away I don't even know what to do anymore And I don't even know what I'm saying I just hope you can take it well It always comes back to the place we left off When you never really did forget But I'll be forgiven I'll be forgiven, I'll be forgiven, I'll be forgiven 'Cause even when the problem's gone too far and we're split Then I'll find myself alone And I'll be forgiven I'll be forgiven, I'll be forgiven, I'll be forgiven But I'm not sure if I really know what that means
10.
New Dawn (Rendered) 01:32
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11.
New Dawn 05:32
lyrics
I'm in that same boat I place myself in every time we reach this point And I'm starting to get annoyed Because I think I'm stuck in place I think I'm lost again I think I'm going dim despite all the lights inside my head And sitting here alone And writing songs only we will hear is taxing me I think I'm setting myself up Because the music never helps It only serves to take us both down into the same damn pits of hell And I don't want that anymore I just want to be given the chance to reclaim the former glory I once had But when I look back I only see the worst in everything I'd done And I know it's for the best because we all have to learn But the lesson's never easy The answer never comes through simple wish or simple tasks It's always hard And the harder that it gets, the harder it gets, the harder it gets But that is just a sign That we can tough a lot And I can tough a lot But there's something I have to find And you can find it too You can find your truth Do you see it there? Do you see it? Do you hear that? I can hear that. This is a story yet untold And one of us must write the words Before it gets too old Or before I lose my strength But it's coming back again As it rises and falls with the tides As I breeze in and out of my mind I pull out things I never knew And I'm becoming new And I'm becoming new And you can be there too But I'm as scared as hell To reach inside myself I might find something I don't like But now it's hard to mind Because I've already sunk so low before And I'll never go back there again And something's coming up, I can feel it bursting out I can feel that I've got something that's too difficult to announce, because I know who I am so much better than you do I know I've got life within me, and it feels like something new And I've got time to sort this out, as we've all got to slow down 'Cause this is something I don't know but I'm getting better than ever now And all that time I've spent just writing songs and counting out those beats I could have understood or tried to learn or tried to use my feet And get to run But I spent my time inside and I made up lies And I made up lies and I made up lies and I made up lies And I tried to fight myself, but what good has that ever done? I wanna break free from this obligation and run towards the sun I don't even know who I am anymore But this I'm sure Never again will I tell myself I'm guilty of what I'm not I'm so tired of this feeling, and the past I've long forgot But a new dawn can rise from anywhere, at any time, I know The goddess will rise, and I can be with her this time

about

After Crisis is all about what it means to move on. regret, emptiness, anger, and loneliness. but also the possibility of moving forward.

i wrote these songs when all of my life was changing. i knew that this record would be the catalyst, and every word i wrote was a turning point. i needed to change. this is where it happened.

you can accept that you've made mistakes, and still recognize you deserve better. it will be difficult, but i believe in you.

thank you for listening.

credits

released June 3, 2020

All songs written, composed, and performed by Dawn.

Recorded from November 2019 - May 2020

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Dawn Rising Arizona

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forever and always <3

formerly known as 404

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